Our Broken Friendship

Most of you know that Kim and I are very best friends.  We’ve known each other for most of our lives and started to get really close in 2008 and the rest is history.  However, a little over a year ago there was a rift in our friendship that neither of us prepared for that caused a tremendous brokenness within our friendship.  For a few months straight…well, more than a few months.  For about 11 months we were completely dishonest with each other.
Our in-person conversations were short and superficial and our texts were monotonous and boring.  From time to time, we would acknowledge the fact that something wasn’t the same, but it was easy to blame it all on the fact that we no longer worked together or our busy schedules as wives and moms.  But it was still obvious that things were not the same.
One day, after MUCH pushing and shoving from the Lord and advice from another close friend, I mustered up the courage to approach Kim.
The woman who had been there for me for years and the friend who has counseled me on countless occasions had become, in essence, a stranger.  It was weird facing her to share my heart about how and why things shifted.  I was angry, sad, and annoyed yet ready to finally get over this hump and see what was on the other side.  I was prepared for the worst…
Nearly 2+ hours later, leaving our families outside wondering what could possibly be taking us so long, we came to some pretty interesting conclusions.
  1. We were not fully honest with each other.  Because we were both afraid to hurt each other, we left issues un-touched and they ended up festering into emotions that we never thought we’d EVER had toward each other.  LESSON: ALWAYS be honest with your friends.  Sometimes sugar-coating situations will do more harm than good.
  2. Our friendship was unhealthy.  We placed our friendship in a position that surpassed our families, husbands (sometimes), and even God in some respects.  LESSON: Balance is important and your life can only function properly when everything and everyone is in it’s proper place.
  3. Our expectations of each other were unreasonable yet never communicated.  Because we used to put each other first ALL the time, we ended up placing unrealistic expectations on each other that were not only never communicated, but caused us to view one another differently after the expectations weren’t met, which was a large part of why our friendship initially began to crumble.
  4. Communication can make or break a situation.  The issue that initially started the rift between us all took place via text.  We expressed SO much and most of it was misconstrued and lost in the oh so popular art of texting.  We were [thankfully!] able to reverse it’s effects by having an in person conversation.  LESSON: The medium used to communicate is uber important!

It’s been about 4 or so months since the converstion that mended our conversation and things have been SO refreshing since! We have a new outlook on our friendship which makes our relationship more rewarding.  There’s less pressure on both of our ends and our friendship is more beneficial than it was before now that it’s in it’s rightful place.

I say ALLL of this to say that friendships can change and most times they will.  Whether it be because of life occurrences or, like Kim and I, a specific situation – but if the friendship means enough to you, address the issue, communicate, and be willing to be honest with each other and yourself in order to get the best outcome!

I love you all and wish you many incredible, enriching and purposeful friendships in the new year!

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