Friendship amongst women is not only necessary but absolutely fulfilling. I have had many friendships throughout my life. Many of them are still going strong while some were seasonal. As life progressed, some friends went in different directions. We all have our own paths to take. I have also found some friendships drifted apart because one person was hurt, felt taken advantage of, felt unappreciated, or felt like they gave too much into the relationship while the other friend didn’t put in enough effort.
Like Kim, I’ve had many of the same experiences with friendships and I’m happy to say that the friendship I have with Kim is one of a kind. Often times when we talk about our friendship, it may come off as perfect but we’ve definitely gone through our troubled seasons and even periods where our friendship was tested and within the test we’ve hurt each other unknowingly.
Kim and I both juggle a lot – between our husbands, children, school, work, and ministry, life can get pretty crazy which causes our friendship to go on auto-pilot with our guards completely down to the enemy and his tricks and schemes.
Recently I have been under A LOT of pressure. I think it’s easy to look at my life and call me superwoman. Let me just say I would prefer to relax a little. I was so overwhelmed and I genuinely felt like I was alone in my world and that no one understood me or should I say that fell victim to that lie. In my frustration, I told Celeste “sometimes I don’t feel like my best friend understands my life”. Yeap I said that and I had no idea that what I said hurt her to the core. Honestly, at the time I wasn’t even thinking about how my words could affect her. I was too engrossed in myself and everything that I had going on. While this was my reality it doesn’t make what I said fair or even true. The truth is that other than my family, Celeste has faithfully served as one of my biggest supporters and cheerleaders. She has always believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself.
It’s funny how easy it is to hurt the ones we love most.
When she made that statement I immediately put up my guard. I know, I know – if Kim is my best friend then why didn’t I address the comment immediately, right? Honestly, at that point I decided, with ill intent, that since she’s not being understanding of my point of view and would be so selfish to think that I’m not considering her situation, then I’m going to just “do me” and let things settle in whatever way they will. Bad move. Very bad move. And on top of it all, it wasn’t Christ-like AT ALL!
This, my friends, was the door that the enemy needed to try (keyword) to cause a divide in our friendship.
What’s even worse is that I knew something was up but my stubbornness and pride stepped in the way of me approaching the situation in the right way. I may have not been able to pinpoint what I did at the time but I knew deep down that something wasn’t right. So instead we carried on “normally” we chatted/texted every single day. It wasn’t until God stepped in with loving correction and showed me that we only had an appearance that our friendship was in a good place but deep down a seed had been planted and it was slowly but surely growing a dangerous weed of discord. With this revelation, I brought my observations to Lessy’s attention.
When Kim told me what she was picking up on I had to make a decision –
Do I tell the truth or keep going on as if nothing is wrong; I chose the former and thank God I did. When I expressed what I was feeling, Kim apologized for her statement and I immediately felt peace with our friendship again.
The bible states that death and life lies in the power of the tongue (Prov 18:21) and I believe that this scripture correlates directly to the importance of communication. Because we chose positive communication, our friendship was restored.
Celeste and I are sharing this story with you guys to encourage you. Like any relationship, we can unintentionally hurt each other. Often times what is unsaid has a lot to do with the reason why friendships end. While some friendships are seasonal, some friendships are put to death because we refuse to be honest. Some friendships end because the minute one person does wrong we decide to walk away. We are living proof that no friendship is perfect and that we are both human. We are also living proof of the benefits and support that comes with having a trusted friend that you can walk through life with.
A Lot of women have said that they can’t have “female” friends or they can’t get along with other women. We need to search ourselves because we do NEED lasting relationships with other women. There are certain connections and bonds that men could never understand nor can they provide that emotional support that a great girlfriend can. Our husbands always tell Celeste and I to call each other when it comes to certain things LOL. It’s actually quite hilarious.
Apologies and forgiveness are necessary even in friendships. We all have parts to play in both the offense and reconciliation.
Maybe you read this post and can connect or relate. It’s not too late to drop your pride, call your friend and have a heart to heart. It doesn’t matter who was right or who was wrong. You know you miss her anyway…