When we were dating, Music Soulchild’s “Dontchange” was one of our theme songs. Nine years together (almost seven years of marriage) and two children later, I see that Musiq knew some sort of secret that I couldn’t see through my rose colored glasses of love.He opens his song by saying.
“Lately you’ve been questioning, if I still see you the same way, cause through these trying years, we gonna both physically change”
I never thought that I would ever question my husband’s love/attraction for me but when I look in the mirror, I don’t look the same. While I am physically changing every single day, my “questioning” is a projection of where I really am right now.
Now before I dive head first into a pity party, let’s talk truth. The reality is that in my teens and twenties I could eat whatever I wanted and get away with it. I took complete advantage of that! Now that I’m walking through 30s door, low activity and eating everything that I want is not flying.
My mind didn’t process the life/body transition and now looking in the mirror I must admit that I’m not exactly thrilled…
I find myself insecure and flawed…
I find myself constantly seeking reassurance and affirmation from my husband. Even though he says that I am beautiful, sexy and attractive, I have a hard time believing him. 🙈 I don’t see what he sees…
Clearly I’ve developed some body image issues that I just never expected to encounter at this point in my life. But then coming to think about it, what makes me susceptible from having these issues? My life has been non stop and I just haven’t been prioritizing myself as much as I should or could be.
I think it’s easy to say well, Kim if you don’t like what you see, do something about it! I fully intend to but I think simply saying I’m going to do something won’t work. Getting on a crazy diet or working out for hours may make some physical changes but would it ever be enough? You see I’ve been here before. I have gotten excited and started working out but I loose the fire and the momentum. Eventually I just go back to business as usual. This time around, I think that getting to the heart of the matter has to be my first and most important step.
I have to look at myself in the mirror with every “flaw” and find something beautiful.
It’s a heart thing. So much has happened. So many pleasant and unexpected blessings have come my way and now I have to put some of that focus on me and making sure that I am completely whole; body, soul and mind for me first and then for them.
I have to do this for me because I am the one who is dissatisfied. While I have been tempted to have that pity party (trust me I really really want too) it’s just pointless. It’s just going to make me feel worse (ain’t nobody got time for that). The reality is that I’m no longer in my twenties and looking back will just make me want to live in the “glory” days of my past instead of enjoying the precious moments of my present and setting my sights for the greatness ahead.
So While I plan to make some active steps towards resurrecting that lost love for my temple, I’m going to start on the inside and work my way out! I have to start with what’s in front of me and what is! I plan to fall in love with every strand and every stretch mark. I plan to see the strength and beauty in my eyes, the compassion in my smile, the welcome in my nurturing arms and the stride in my luscious legs. And even though the girls aren’t quite as perky, thank God for an amazing push up bra!
The hubster can tell me that I’m beautiful and sexy a million times but my disbelief doesn’t make him a liar. It just means that I am blind.
With all of this being said, we are focusing on self love for the month of February. We will be opening our eyes to the beauty staring back at us in the mirrors! On top of that, we will focus on some pointers that will simply enhance that beauty from the inside out and get you inspired for what ever journey that comes along! Whether we are working towards a size/ weight goal, remaining content with who we are, making healthier choices, getting more active or reducing stress. What ever it is, we have to start from where we are.
“The first step to real change is meeting yourself where you are. You can’t reach the end if you don’t start from the beginning.” – Wives Unite
With so much love!